Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a tipple (hopefully no-one misread that) as much as the next 18-year-old girl. The side effects, however, I could do without. I don't condone drinking until you can barely stand or passing out - I'm sure some of my friends will read this and scoff - but there's nothing wrong with having a good night out.
Thankfully, I'm not too bad when I'm intoxicated. I don't get aggressive and I'm not that crying 'why doesn't he love me' girl you always see on a night out. I don't wear shorts that reveal so much arse cheek that they may as well be belts, I'm so not bothered wearing heels mainly because I can't walk in them - it's worth looking like a midget for the sake of comfort.
In saying that, I had a few drinks on Saturday night and was a bit worse for wear, shall we say, so much so that I didn't notice the puddle of fluid (I'm praying it was a drink rather than vomit/urine/some other unknown bodily fluid) on the floor and subsequently went arse over tit. In my state I did manage to turn my fall into a sort-of impromptu dance move by sliding down the step and scooping myself up with a flourish (that's what I think anyway, to anyone watching it probably just looked like I did, in fact, fall on my arse). Note to self; in future, check the ground for any spillages.
In saying that, I had a few drinks on Saturday night and was a bit worse for wear, shall we say, so much so that I didn't notice the puddle of fluid (I'm praying it was a drink rather than vomit/urine/some other unknown bodily fluid) on the floor and subsequently went arse over tit. In my state I did manage to turn my fall into a sort-of impromptu dance move by sliding down the step and scooping myself up with a flourish (that's what I think anyway, to anyone watching it probably just looked like I did, in fact, fall on my arse). Note to self; in future, check the ground for any spillages.
If we have to do the whole labelling thing I'd say I'm more outgoing and elated when I've had a few drinks. Also a bit of a kleptomaniac if we're counting that time I stole some girl's burger and chips, but we won't mention it. Besides, if it were Aesop's Fables the lesson learnt would've been: Don't leave your burger and chips with a stranger. Trust no one.
I do have an awful case of foot-in-mouth when drunk - it's unfortunately true that a drunken mind speaks sober thoughts. I have annoyed a few people with my biting 'wit'. I must come across so rude.
I also have the drunken dancing problem. I'm no Michael Flatley, but you know what it's like when you get a bit of liquid courage. Suddenly you think you belong on Strictly Come Dancing when in reality you look like a gazelle being electrocuted.
And of course, the intoxicated texts. We've all been there. Texting an ex/enemy with a spiel that's barely even legible and then trying to pass it off as a pocket text when they know well you were just being a drunken fool. I still remain adamant they should invent an app that produces a mechanical hand to slap you before you even attempt to drunken message someone.
To conclude, we all know one of the highlights of a night out is getting food at the end. You can't beat a kebab after a night out - although trying to eat a kebab daintily is near impossible so good luck getting more of it in your mouth than down your top. You don't eat a kebab, you shift it.
If you're going on a night out soon make sure to read these tips - they could save you a sore arse or a chest that stinks of garlic mayo.
I also have the drunken dancing problem. I'm no Michael Flatley, but you know what it's like when you get a bit of liquid courage. Suddenly you think you belong on Strictly Come Dancing when in reality you look like a gazelle being electrocuted.
And of course, the intoxicated texts. We've all been there. Texting an ex/enemy with a spiel that's barely even legible and then trying to pass it off as a pocket text when they know well you were just being a drunken fool. I still remain adamant they should invent an app that produces a mechanical hand to slap you before you even attempt to drunken message someone.
To conclude, we all know one of the highlights of a night out is getting food at the end. You can't beat a kebab after a night out - although trying to eat a kebab daintily is near impossible so good luck getting more of it in your mouth than down your top. You don't eat a kebab, you shift it.
If you're going on a night out soon make sure to read these tips - they could save you a sore arse or a chest that stinks of garlic mayo.
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