A few years ago I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder (GAD). I went to a couple of sessions of CBT which helped to alleviate some of the more specific anxious issues, but the anxiety still lurked somewhere in the deepest recesses of my brain, like a cat waiting to pounce. I'm fortunate to be able to manage mine somewhat, and panic attacks are a rare occurance. But there are still times I long for the nuisance of being anxious to just disappear.
I know what my triggers are by now. For example, walking into Penneys at any time it may be possibly a bit busy is like an anxiety warzone. Screaming babies, people rushing towards you with buggies and baskets wielding hangers that look like they could poke your eyes out, nearly getting shanked for a Chip cup - I could go on. Often I walk in there with something specific I need to buy and walk back out with something I don't need or want like blonde extensions despite the fact I'm brunette (ok, maybe that's an exaggeration), just because it's like the Krypton Factor in there and I want out. I sometimes wish I could go shopping wearing full-on battle gear, or in a Zorbing bubble, wearing noise cancelling headphones playing soothing dolphin sounds. Ahhh.
The other day I had to pop into the bank to set up online banking, because for some reason you can't set up online banking online (that would make far too much sense) so you have to face your fears and either call them or talk to a human, or suck it up and get major fear not knowing what's in your account. So I opted for the human. I was assisted by a friendly staff member who brought me over to a chair with a computer in front. How civilised, I thought. Until she picked up the phone, babbled a few numbers into it, and then brandished the phone at me. I stared at it like it was a nuclear weapon before tentatively taking it and gearing myself up - I didn't study! Why does anxiety make us panic while talking over the phone? Calling the takeaway is one thing but if I have to ring about something more important I feel like if I answer one question wrong the Financial Authority of Ireland will be on to me.
It's the exact same thing having to book an appointment for the doctor or dentist. I work myself up about it so much that I put it off, then get more anxious about the fact I've put it off, so I put it off some more. It's a vicious cycle. If everything was online or could be done under anaesthetic it would be lifechanging. Alas, the world does not work that way. I'm beginning to realise the only way to beat this is to take each day as it comes. It's not easy, and some days I'm more anxious than usual - yesterday, for example, I forgot to bring my makeup with me as I usually do it in the car, so I had to walk around town with practically no eyebrows and no winged eyeliner, and I felt more vulnerable than ever.
I'm still trying to come up with simple ways of feeling less anxious, but I know it's an ongoing battle. Lately, I think there's a lot to be said for looking good and feeling good. A nice outfit, a good hair day and wearing your favourite perfume can do wonders for my confidence. It sounds silly but hey, if a cat eye and some killer shoes help you get through the day - what's the harm? After all, we're all just trying to get by.
If you've had experiences with anxiety and have any tips to manage it, I'd love to hear them! Thanks for reading.
No comments:
Post a Comment